If I didn’t live it, I wouldn’t believe it

This has been a VERY rough year – probably harder than the year I was diagnosed with cancer.

This isn’t a sob story, but putting the year in print will help me come to terms with everything that’s happened. A bullet point list may be the simplest way to get this year capsulized:

  1. End of January:  my daughter, who has Myotonic Dystrophy had an “episode”. It was a physical setback that took her a while to recover from – but she did.
  2. March:  my 5th (but 2nd with the specialist) surgery to correct the botched reconstruction.
  3. April:  I had to put my old gelding down. He couldn’t get up anymore due to old injuries and age. Sad, but not unexpected.
  4. June: my vehicle broke down on the way to Florida (about 3 hours away from home). My daughter and I were going to a seminar for Myotonic Dystrophy in Gainesville. So we had to rent a car, go to the seminar, drive the rental car home for 3 weeks until I could finally pick up my repaired vehicle ($3000 later).
  5. July: I had to put my Jake down due to age and his body failing. Crushing. My boy had been with me for 11 years and been by my side through all my cancer treatments and surgeries. His health failed very fast.
  6. August:  my 6th (3rd with the specialist) surgery to correct the botched reconstruction. Even though I had people around me, it was the first time I had to go through this situation without my constant companion. It sounds minor, but was especially difficult.
  7. September: my husband of 16 years and many promises told me he no longer wants to be married. No explanation other than he wants his freedom. I am totally blind-sided, along with everyone else that knows our relationship. I’m crushed.
  8. October: as a result of number 7, I have to find my horse a new home (I can’t begin to explain how painful this is). Additionally, I have to sell the home and land that was to be our retirement haven. I’ve been living in a lie.

So I am trying to put my shattered pieces back together. I’m trusting God will guide me into the space on this planet I’m supposed to be occupying – because right now I’m struggling to get a focus. Right now, my faith is all I have.

I do have my family (son, daughter, parents) that care about what’s going on, but this is too personal. This is a deep slash to me as a woman. There is no one at night when I put my head on the pillow and try to sleep. No one but me.

I have started back to the gym. I know the stronger I get physically, the stronger I am mentally. The gym helped me through cancer, I know it will help me through this, I just need to keep the determination.

The tears are starting to dry, they are getting further and further apart. I can start talking about what has happened without falling apart.

Throughout my life I have been known as a “warrior”, always pulling through difficult situations thrown my way.

I won’t lie – I am tired. My spirit is exhausted. I am leaning on my faith and the belief that getting my physical strength back will pull me through emotionally.



“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”  ~ Erma Bombeck

Ahh, the word that makes the world go around…. And around.

Think about the enormous number of people in the world. Then understand that each and every one of these humans bring their own “perspective” to an idea, creation or opinion. How the heck do we get anything done?

The word perspective allows each of us to be right in our opinions.

It’s the culmination of our upbringing, environment and culture. It’s why we feel the way we do about food, society, relationships – everything that makes up a person’s emotional reactions.

When interacting with others, always keep in mind they bring a different angle of thinking to a situation. It doesn’t mean they are right (or wrong).

Take time to listen to another person’s perspective on a topic. You may be surprised at the revelation their insight brings to the situation.

You may still not agree, but you might now understand. And to understand where a person is coming from is a giant first step to treating each other with new-found respect.

Perspective, understanding and respect – words that could make our world go around so much smoother.

Just listen today. Be quiet, and listen to someone’s views on a subject. Not to change your mind. But to enrich your life.

Learn from another person’s experience. Try to understand and have a conversation knowing it’s ok to have different views and ideas. And know this is not due to inferiority or lack of education.

It’s simply due to perspective.

Let Go

“If you don’t let go of the past, you can’t live in the present.”

Years ago I had some rough life lessons that made me realize I was hanging on to the past as a crutch for not living in the present.

There’s a lot written about living in the present – for the most part the advice is accurate.

In dragging the past with us into today, we can never appreciate where we are right here, right now. The past shapes us and how we think and feel. But we truly only have “today” – not yesterday or tomorrow.

I realized (the hard way), wearing “my past” was keeping me from enjoying my life in the present.

Memories should be used as life lessons, bringing quiet tears or smiles – not worn as a badge of pity. Feel. Learn. Let the past teach you, not define who you are today.

Beware….lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.   ~Aesop

Your Goal

“Psychologist David Seabury says that the best piece of advice his father ever gave him was to practice positive mental imagery – immediately and ‘on cue,’ so to speak, whenever he became aware of negative feelings. Negative feelings literally defeated themselves by becoming a sort of ‘bell’ which set off a conditioned reflex to arouse positive states of mind.”  Psycho-Cybernetics

So how do you incorporate positive mental imagery in your life?

 1. You change the way you feel by changing the mental picture you have of your situation.

 2. You begin each day with exercises that help you go through the whole day without resistance.

 3. You have a burning desire in mind, a GOAL.

Don’t let potential negative thoughts or situations impact the view of your goal.

Someone told me (many years ago), “Out of bad comes good”.

It wasn’t until years later, looking back on my life and the “bad” situations I had gone through, that I understood exactly what she meant.

No I don’t EVER want to experience the “bad” again, but I can sincerely tell you (now that I’m well past them) what was on the other side was “good”. It didn’t always turn out the way I had wanted, but if I took the time to examine the outcome, I learned valuable lessons and life was better.

Train your mind to practice positive mental imagery. Keep a vision of your goal in your mind. Understand there will be turns in your life you don’t want to take, but stay in a positive state of mind.

Life is a blessing and we only have today on our journey through time.